No New Year New Me Bull%$!&

This might be my favorite annual post to write, and it always is a journey. I’m not sure what this 2017 look-back will come out to be like. But here we go. 

If I could put the past year in one sentence I’d probably say: I learnt a lot about myself. Internally. Sure, years are busy, things keep happening and changing, but this time I’m looking inwards and feeling it all out. In no particular order.

I learnt what anxiety is and haven’t learnt how to get rid of it quite yet. I know how it starts and how it feels — you can feel it physically too. I know how it stays in your head, I know the moment you let go of trying to push it away and have some control over your thoughts, it comes flooding your head and body again.

Hey, it’s ok. More people than you think experience anxiety and live with it – make it also a thing I learnt.

Some of the ways that help me cope with it?

  1. Work. Even if a lot of anxiety is work-induced, pushing through the list and getting things done to try and free up space in the brain that is filled with nervousness helps.
  2. Dance (insert any exercise for yourself). I will never stop praising dance and the high high spot it takes in my life. If dance was a person, I would hug it real hard every day. Thank you.
  3. Love. Oh how cliche, but Skyping with my parents, Whatsapping with my best friend, talking and strolling with my girlfriend at night or resting my head on my love’s shoulder and feeling his touch are all the things that make me feel loved and supported. It’s hard to not have this, we all seek it, so don’t strip yourself of it and know that it helps.

But you know, there are always two sides of a coin.

With all the anxiety, I learnt that I’m a strong girl. No matter what, work got done and got done well, I tapped into my organizational and leadership qualities more by moving up at work and in my volunteer life. Sure, there is room for self-pity and whining, but in the long run it does you no good, so I toughened up and kept going.

Putting this life skill into one word – it’s all about attitude.

Attitude shifts are especially crucial in situations, which you have no control over. Because truly, there are some situations in life, when as much as we are in control of our lives, sometimes we are not. And in these cases, attitude is everything.

You choose how to feel and act upon a life situation/problem/issue that you can’t resolve by changing your attitude towards it. From hopeless and miserable to opportunistic and challenge-accepting, from sad and longing to exciting and anticipating, from “bad times” to “learning and growing experiences”.

Now, moving on, what are some things I want to do more of or learn how to?

Get better at letting go. And this includes saying “no” to things.

We’re a generation of “yes, man”. It is propagated, cherished and almost worshiped in our society, but like many other things, a lot of people take it too literally saying “yes” to anything just to be included and feel like they’re doing something. But is it really worth it? Are you really doing what you love, what feeds your mind/soul/body? Are you happy doing it? If not, then just say “no”. Listen to yourself. Really listen.

Listen to my inner self deserves a separate point. Realize, that you don’t lie. Sure, our mind can get very creative and for a while even convince ourselves of “this or that”, but at the end of the day the truth comes through and begs to be heard and acted upon. Don’t push yourself away and give in: whether it means crying, taking a day off, saying “yes” to a trip or “no” to going out on a Friday night.

Love myself. I openly hate “new year, new you” mentality and think that it is destructive and disrespectful to you, your past and your future. It is wrong to think that “you” needs to be “new” for some reason. YOU is constructed of you in the past, in the present and in the future. Don’t try to ignore or wipe clean the slate to the new year. Come into it with all that bundle of experiences and decisions that make you YOU. And just keep going.

I think an important and probably not very surprising closure I want to make is: don’t wait for the new year, new day, Monday or June to make the changes in your life you’re ready for or in need of.

This post turned out to be more about feeling rather than doing, but I think this is exactly what I wanted to say: it’s hard to do anything without feeling yourself, confident, put together, calm and happy.

So take care of yourself and thank you for reading! See you in 2018 😉

With Love ❤


Photos by AK.