If I could sum up 2018 in one quote for myself, it would most probably be: “You are only given as much as you’re able to handle.” God must think I’m a titan and has a sense of humor.
I know nothing.
This year taught me so much about myself and the world, and even more importantly about how much I don’t know and probably will never know.
It’s an interesting bliss: the feeling of surrender and humility – an art not attainable by many, who are seeking too much control over their lives; it is a muscle you are to train every day.
Maybe contradictory to what I just said, I am also a believer in us being the creators of our life. I think I chose the word right – creators, not controllers or overly obsessed with life. Whether you believe in God or not, you can’t deny that not everything is in your power; at times the life that you deem being yours has it’s own plan for us; and that is the humility I’m talking about: knowing and accepting this, while continuing to do you. It’s that balance we all are seeking so much.
This year I learnt that I am very strong.
Stronger than probably is necessary for my own good. Having put up this huge shield, I was marching behind it for most of the year, pushing through and not giving up, I realised that I was losing myself and losing my health – some two things that are the most important. But I am strong, hence I was able to stop and take myself out of the situation that was causing this huge dent. I am proud of that and grateful to God for putting me through this. I really am. And I got rewarded for pushing through, what a considerate gift.
I was confused a lot this year.
I still am and I’m trying to be kind to myself for that as it is a part of life and everything that is happening with us is truly happening FOR us and not TO us. Everything is a process and only by reminding yourself of that and living through it not past it, we’re able to learn and move forward. Always just keep swimming, never stop.
I learnt that attitude is everything.
If you can’t change the situation, change how you approach it, how you think about it and how you talk about it every day. If this still doesn’t help after you consciously tried, get out. Get out as fast as you can.
I got reminded that love is all around us.
Among all of the chaos, insecurities, troubles, losses, failures, struggles, it truly is. Don’t close yourself from it, don’t be afraid of it. Know that you are worthy, you are normal, you are human and you are loved by so many. There are always people who will stand beside you and support you. Stick together.
Goodbye, 2018. Maybe I’ll miss you some other time, but sure not today.
Happy New Year!
Photo by my beautiful friend Natasha.